Blues

Evening. A time of rest and relaxation. When work stops.When its time to go for dinner. When tired guys go to bed. Sunday evening. A moment special. When lovers say goodbye. When sons have their dinner at home. When newbies carrying their fieldpack in smart 4 to camp.
I spent my sunday afternoon setting up the butt area for today's delta live firing vetting. Earned myself half a day off.Spent the evening in seclusion, with nothing to do and no one around.With negative thoughts going all around in my mind. Thoughts I so wish to eradicate. Whats wrong with me? Too bored, too lonely? I don't know. A sudden loss of interest in everything around me probably due to a deep longing for something. All of which I have no idea. I have no idea about myself.
Haiz. SO much I want to talk about. So much I want to share about my experience today. So much I want to write and express here. But I am just just so screwed inside I can't get a grip of myself.And I have got an interview tomorrow. Where on earth is the fucking confidence gonna be if I am still like this tomorrow.
And i just don't know why I have got nothign to say to rain anymore. Still I yearn to see her online but everytime I see her I just don't know what to say. And I can't imagine myself telling her such a thing. Its crap to hear such a thing but I just don't know what the fuck is happening. AND i don't want to hurt anybody.Free me!!!!!